Do words matter? Try this out: Think of a task, project or activity you want to accomplish. Now complete the sentence with the words “I should…”. Now complete it with “I want to…” How different do the two statements allow you to feel? Not sure? Repeat the exercise. And?
“I should” sends a message to the brain that you are a bit uncertain if you should do an activity or task. It is also telling you that there is a “but” somewhere, a consequence that is making you feel uneasy. And when using these words, chances are you won’t follow-through on your action. Alternatively, if we use “I want to…” the brain identifies a confidence to proceed with the action. “I want to…”also suggests a deeper sense of willingness to move forward and act.
I can and I can’t
Which phrases are you using most often? Try this exercise: Use the example above and use the phrases “I can…” and then “I can’t…” How do you feel when using each of these phrases? “I can’t…” closes off the brain’s activity, and puts a full stop to your problem. “I can…” opens up your pathways of thinking to enable you to look for options and solutions that will satisfy your situation.
But and and
“I would like to employ more staff because my business is growing….but…..”
“I would like to employ more staff because my business is growing and if I do this….”
The next time you are tempted to use words that close off communication, stop…then think of a word that will encourage engagement. Yes, words do matter.